Your Regulation Resources

 

你的調節資源 

Life is filled with ups and downs. When you go through some current challenges or healing your past there are times when you’re emotionally imbalanced and volatile or feeling down or broken. We all can get lost in spirals of worry and anxiety, grief and depression, or irritation and anger.

 

人生總是起起落落。在你要克服當前的考驗,或療癒過往的遭遇時,難免會情緒失衡、反覆無常,抑或感到消沈、沮喪。我們都會迷失在擔憂與焦慮、悲傷與沮喪,或焦躁與憤怒的漩渦裡。

 

That’s why it’s important to create your lists of regulation resources and have them handy as reminders of the tools (self-regulation), people (co-regulation), and divine force (spiritual regulation) in your life that support you to be present with what is and embody more love.

 

因此,列出你的調節資源清單,並放在隨手可得的地方提醒自己,所有生命中幫助自己活在當下和體現更多愛的工具(自我調節)、人(輔助調節)及神性力量(靈性調節),是十分重要的。

 

You’ve got what you need to be empowered even in the most difficult times!

即使在最困難的時刻裡,你已具足你所需的力量了。

First, you are invited to take inventory of your existing skills & resources that help you to self-regulate.

 

首先,請檢視一下能幫助你自我調節的既有技能及資源。

Hugging a Pillow

Self-regulation 

自我調節

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation. To improve your relationships and life, you need to be able to effectively regulate your emotions, behaviors, and, eventually, thought patterns. 

 

自我調節就是能管理你的情緒與行為,以恰當地因應發生的情況。為了改善你的關係及生活,你需要能有效地調節你的情緒、行為,進而調節思維模式。

Emotional self-regulation is a starting point in this journey. 

 

這趟歷程,就由情緒的自我調節開始。

Image by Giulia Bertelli

“Someone who has good emotional self-regulation has the ability to keep their emotions in check.

They can resist impulsive behaviors that might worsen their situation, and

they can cheer themselves up when they’re feeling down.

They have a flexible range of emotional and behavioral responses

that are well-matched to the demands of their environment.”

「具有良好的情緒自我調節能力的人,就能控制好自己的情緒。

他們可以避免做出衝動的行為造成更糟的情況,也可以在情緒低落的時候,鼓勵自己打起精神。他們可以因應環境的需求,在情緒上和行為上保持彈性,做出恰當的回應。」

 

Andrea Bell 

Is self-regulation similar to self-control? 

 

自我調節跟自我控制一樣嗎?

I like how psychologist Stuart Shanker explains it:

 

“Self-control is about inhibiting strong impulses;

self-regulation [is about] reducing the frequency and intensity of strong impulses

by managing stress-load and recovery.

In fact, self-regulation is what makes self-control possible, or, in many cases, unnecessary.”

 

我喜歡心理學家Stuart Shanker的闡釋:

 

「自我控制是抑制強烈的衝動;

自我調節則是藉由管理壓力的累積及修復,以降低強烈衝動的頻率及強度。

事實上,正是自我調節驅使了自我控制,甚至在很多情況下不必用到自我控制。」 

What is emotional self-regulation resource?

 

自我調節資源是什麼?

Emotional self-regulation resource is anything that can be used to have you feel better in the moment. It's something that you can utilize in the moments when you feel triggered or upset, something that brings you back to being authentically present. 

 

自我調節資源可以在任何時候使用,好安撫或緩和妳的感受。這些是當妳感到被激怒或刺傷時,可以善用的工具,它們可以將你帶回當下。

Take some time to connect to your body first and then ask your womb/hara: 

 

先用一點時間與妳的身體連結,然後詢問妳的子宮或下丹田:

What can bring me back from a place where I’m about to lose myself or “check out” — distract myself from being in the moment? 

 

當我就快失控或崩潰的時候,什麼可以將我帶回來——將我從那個情境中轉移焦點?

What can I easily access in those moments so that I can stay present?

 

在那些情況下,有什麼可以很容易地做到,幫我專注於當下?

Here is a list of my favorite self-regulation resources: 

  1. Abdominal breathing, slowing down my breath, and concentrating on exhalations 

  2. EFT or tapping 

  3. Awareness of body sensations: I feel, I witness, I embrace, including the painful or uncomfortable ones

  4. Shaking my body (this can feel especially helpful when feeling a bit frozen) 

  5. Essential oils: opening the bottle and taking a few deep breaths, or self-massage 

  6. Intuitive yoga, dance or movement: letting myself move in any way that feels good to my body  

  7. Humming, or opening my throat and sighing, toning, allowing any intuitive sounds

  8. Feeling my hands - touch meditation

  9. Grounding by stamping feet or rubbing feet 

  10. Alternate nostril breathing (nadi shodhana) 

  11. Saying gratitude for something or someone I appreciate and feeling my heart expanding

  12. Push up against the wall: placing the back against the wall and pushing the spine up against it; feeling my back supported and breathing. 

  13. Washing hands and face in cool water 

 

There are many more options! 

在此列出一些我個人偏好的自我調節資源:

  1. 腹式呼吸,慢下呼吸,並關注於吐氣。

  2. EFT(情緒釋放術)或輕敲。

  3. 察覺身體的反應:我感受,我見證,我擁抱,包括那些痛苦或不舒服的地方。

  4. 抖動身體(感到僵硬的時候特別有效)

  5. 精油:打開瓶蓋,深呼吸幾下,或按摩自己

  6. 直覺式瑜珈、舞蹈或舞動:任何讓我的身體感覺好的方式動起來。

  7. 「嗡」、嘆氣、哼曲,聽憑直覺發出聲音。

  8. 感覺自己的手或觸碰靜心。

  9. 跺腳或磨擦腳底以接地。

  10. 兩鼻孔交替呼吸法(nadi shodhana)

  11. 說出對某人或某事的感激,感受自己的心擴大了。

  12. 背靠在牆上,撐起脊椎,感受背部的支持及自己的呼吸。

  13. 冷水洗手、洗臉。

 

還有許許多多的方法!

Now it’s your turn to create your list of self-regulation resources.

現在該你列出你的自我調節資源了。

 

First, only list what you know has helped you in the past. 

首先,只列出之前確實幫助過你的方法。

 

Then you could add to this list those resources that you’d like to learn. Experiment with new techniques, make them your own, and add them to your toolkit. 

接著可以加入你想試試看的一些方式。嘗試新技巧,幫它們收為己用,並加入自己的資源庫。

And most importantly, remember to use your resources when needed!

Printing out your list and having it easily accessible proves to be helpful. 

最重要的,記得需要時就使用你的資源!列印出來,容易取得絕對是有幫助的。

Co-Regulation      共同調節

Except for self-regulation we also need to have co-regulation resources.

除了自我調節之外,我們也需要有共同調節。

 

Co-regulation can be defined as

warm and responsive interactions that provide support one needs to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

共同調節可以被定義為:

溫暖且具回應性的互動,能夠提供一個人在了解、表達和調整自己的想法、感受及行為時,所需要的支持。

 

Emotional co-regulation can be achieved through not focusing on fixing one’s problem but instead staying in the moment with their present emotions, calmly mirroring what they feel, accepting the expression of their feelings, and giving much empathy.

 

情緒上的共同調節,可以藉由與對方的情緒相處、冷靜地反映對方的感受、接受他表達感受並且同理對方而達成,而非聚焦於解決他的問題。

We are not capable of healing in isolation. We NEED other people. Modern researches indicate that we all do better when we’re doing it together. Whether you are sharing your pain or pleasure, sadness or joy, the sense of resonance and embrace you receive from co-regulation is extremely nourishing.

 

我們無法在孤立中療癒。我們需要其他的人。現代的研究顯示,當我們共同療癒時,對大家的效果都更好。無論你所分享的是痛苦或歡愉、悲傷或喜悅,在共同調節中所接收到的共鳴和歸屬感,極富滋養。

A therapist Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., writes: “ Learning how to feel safe with others is revolutionary. When your nervous system can co-regulate with other people, and you feel safe and playful and relaxed, you can develop a stronger sense of secure attachment and enjoy its profound rewards, no matter what environment you grew up in.”

 

治療師 Diane Poole Heller博士寫道:「學習培養對他人的安全感,能帶來完全的變革。無論你成長的環境為何,當你的神經系統可以與他人共同調節,你感覺安全、有趣且放鬆的時候,你便可以發展出一種強化安全感的連結,並受惠於其深刻的回報。」

I encourage you to feel into your close relationships and identify people in your life who could offer you some co-regulation when needed. Who feels safe? Available? Emotionally resonant? Who helps you feel met in an emotional and even spiritual way? Choose wisely. Only list people with whom you feel felt and understood.

我鼓勵你深入感受你的親密關係,並且列出生活中可以在你需要時,與你共同調節的人。誰令你感到安全?方便聯繫?與你的情緒共鳴?誰能讓你感到在情緒上,甚至靈性上被看見?做出明智的選擇。可以說,只列出那些,你覺得能被同理、被理解的人。

 

As research professor Brene Brown suggests, we should look for the people who we can trust to hold our stories with respect, who honor our vulnerability and can meet us authentically in our sharing. There might be just a few of them, in some cases 1 person or even none.

 

如同研究教授Brene Brown所說,我們應該尋找那些,我們相信會帶著尊重接納我們的故事、敬重我們的脆弱,並且在分享中能如實地看見我們的人。也許只有幾個,也可能就一個人甚至沒有半個。 

 If you find that you don’t have at least 2-3 people to rely on for emotional co-regulation I invite you to start building these deep soul-to-soul relationships with your close friends. Identify the ones with the most possibility for growth and invest your time and energy into those people. Begin by offering them your unconditional presence and co-regulation during their difficult times. On the flip side, choose to invest less into the people who are not very supportive and capable of positive empowerment. 

 

如果你發現自己沒有至少2-3位,可以共同調節的對象,我邀請你開始與親近的朋友,建立深度的靈魂對靈魂的關係。找出最有可能發展的幾個人來,投入你的時間和能量在他們身上。從給予他們你無條件的存在,並在他們困難的時刻與他們共同調節開始。另一方面,選擇投入較少的時間,給無法帶來支持和正面力量的人。

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Finding co-regulation supporters is incredibly important. We are not meant to do it all on our own. Being vulnerable and reaching out to a “co-regulation friend” who knows how to witness and hold you unconditionally is a needed foundation for your emotional well-being and embodied love.

 

找到共同調節的支持者是十分重要的事情。我們本就不該一切靠自己。保持脆弱,向知道該如何無條件地見證且支持你的「共同調節之友」求援,是你情緒健康並體現愛的必要基礎。

Spiritual Regulation

 

靈性調節

And the last type of regulation is what could be called spiritual regulation. Do you have a well-nurtured relationship with the Source / God / Divine Mother / Spirit / Universe (add your name for the almighty, omnipresent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, and eternal higher power/life force)?

 

最後一部分的調節,可稱之為靈性調節。你和源頭/神/神聖母親/靈性/宇宙(加入你所稱呼的全能上帝、全知、全能、無限女神還是永恆高能/生命之源)之間的關係,是受到滋養的嗎?

 

When you regularly cultivate a dynamic and alive relationship with the Source, you build trust and inner knowing that you are loved and supported just the way you are, and create a sense that all of life is organizing around your success.

 

當你經常性地培養與萬有之源間充滿活力的關係,便建立起信任及內在認知,你是如你所是地被愛著的,也創造出生命奠基於你的成功的覺知。

 

7.83.jpg

It’s essential to understand that the Divine Source is embodied here as our planet Earth. Our mother planet’s electromagnetic field surrounds and protects us and all living beings with a natural frequency pulsation of 7.83 hertz on average — the so-called “Schumann resonance,” named after physicist Dr. Winfried Otto Schumann, who predicted it mathematically in 1952. By reconnecting to Mother Earth we are attuning our bodies and brains into this frequency which is magically calming, centering, and healing for us.

 

了解到萬有之源在此化身為我們的地球,是很關鍵的。我們的母親星球的電磁場,以一種平均7.83赫茲的自然震動頻率,圍繞且保護著我們以及所有生物,其又稱為「舒曼共振」,命名自在1952年以數學演算推測出來的物理博士Winfried Otto Schumann。藉由與大地之母連結,我們可以同步調頻身體與腦部,好讓我們專注於當下,並且獲得安撫及療癒。

 

The simplest way of doing it is earthing - getting your bare feet or any part of the body skin to touch the body of Earth. The Earth's surface possesses a limitless and continuously renewed supply of free or mobile electrons. This direct physical contact with the vast supply of electrons on the surface of the Earth is proven to reduce inflammation, change our brain waves, and create a shift from sympathetic to parasympathetic tone in the autonomic nervous system. If walking barefoot or lying on Earth is not possible, then just going outside to nature, getting some fresh air, watching, and hugging the trees could be a wonderful way to reconnect to the embodied Source Spirit.

 

最簡單的辦法就是接地氣-光腳或用身體任何部分接觸大地的身體。地球的表層有無窮無盡,不斷更新的自由及流動電子。直接接觸地球表面大量的電子,已被證實能減緩發炎、改變腦波,並創造自律神經系統中,交感神經到副交感神經的轉換。如果不方便光腳或躺在土地上,那就去大自然走走,呼吸新鮮空氣,看或抱樹,都是與萬有之源的化身重建連結的好方法。

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Reaching out to the Source with prayer is another simple way that we can do anywhere at any time. Prayer doesn't have to be complicated. It’s you speaking to the Source from your heart sharing your thoughts, ideas, feelings, fears as you would do with a co-regulation friend. And, of course, we can offer body prayers, as well as sit in meditation to receive the divine grace.

 

向萬有之源祈禱也是一個我們隨時隨地可以做到的簡單辦法。祈禱不必很複雜。就是你發自內心向萬有之源分享你的想法、點子、感覺、恐懼,就像跟調節夥伴分享那樣。當然,我們也可以奉獻身體祈禱,或靜坐接收神聖恩典。

 

It’s your faith that makes it empowering. Do you trust Life? Remind yourself  that you are a divine being in human form. Allow yourself to receive Love. Essentially, you ARE Love. Embodying that as ultimate truth brings you wisdom, empathy, and power to show up as a mature presence of love. 

 

你的信念可以強化效果。你信任生命嗎?提醒自己,你是具人身的神聖存在。允許你自己接收愛。本質上,你就是愛。活出這個實相將帶給你智慧、同理心以及力量,展現出愛的成熟存在。

Know and use your resources to keep embodying your Essence of Love and create freedom and joy within yourself and in your relationships.

 

了解並善用你的資源,持續活出你愛的本質,並在自己內在及關係中,創造自由與喜悅。